


Beyond The Mansion Gates

by MoonlightSalsa



Series: Branch 1: The Unnamed Planet [1]
Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Bitchiness, Can Openers, Cringey stuff, Exposition, Forced Fun, Multi, Outside references that only obsessive fangirls will recognise, Pizza, Pranks, Secrets, Stuff going missing, Unneccessary Drama, craziness, lots of yelling, one-sided romance, paranormal happenings, secret organisations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-16 09:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13051122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightSalsa/pseuds/MoonlightSalsa
Summary: So what DO the smashers get up to in between battles? What happened to the pool table and tennis rackets? Why is Crazy Hand so, well, cray-cray? Is Falco really infatuated with a hitwoman? AND DOES PINEAPPLE BELONG ON PIZZA? Welcome to the bizzare mix of humour, randomness, can openers, horror and romance that is the Super Smash Bros Tournament.





	1. Girls/Guys Night Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm new here to this website. 
> 
> This story will be published here in its 'incomplete' form. What I mean by that is, I lost the first chapters so the first one published here is number thirteen. The other chapters are on FF.net if you want to go read them.
> 
> Also this story is part of a bigger universe that all my stories belong to. Just thought you'd like to know.
> 
> But anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 13: Girls/Guys Night Out

Amalia opened the door to the cafeteria and found herself ankle deep in used tissues. She then politely requested to know what was going on.

“ONE OF YOU FUCKERS BETTER TELL ME WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED OR ELSE!” She demanded. 

Up one end, Peach was still bawling her eyes out, surrounded by the rest of the girls, who were doing their best to console her. Up the other end, Bowser popped out from underneath a particularly large pile of tissues. 

“Uurg,” he groaned, “Peach babe, you can tell Daddy Bowser all about that wretched Mario!”

Zelda glared at him. “Now is not the time Bowser!”

“Yeah Dad, that's just gross!” Bowser Junior exclaimed from where he took cover behind the counter.

Zelda turned back to Peach. 

“Aw, you need cheering up. How about a Girls Night Out?” 

Peach stopped crying instantly. Her smile was brighter than a thousand suns. 

In the gym, Mario was pounding the ever loving crap out of Sandbag. 

Link and Sonic stood by watching.

“Peach problems?” Sonic asked.

“Yeah.” Link said. 

Sonic shook his head. “Is it me, or does it seem to be getting worse? But then again, it could just be stress from starting a new Smash tourney.”

“It's definitely getting worse, I can just feel it. But you're right, it might just be stress. So let's de-stress him. Hey, Mario!”

Mario spun around and yelled “what?”

“How about a Guys Night Out?” Link called. 

Mario jumped up suddenly with one fist in the air in his signature pose and shouted “Yes, Mama Mia!”

Six o'clock rolled around.

In one minivan, the girls were organised and ready to go.

Lucina would be driving, with Willow in the passenger seat. Rosalina, Peach and Zelda were squashed together in the middle seat, Samus and Stormy shared the back and Palutena was shoved into the boot. 

Sheik, Beebs and Jigglypuff had decided not to come.

Lucina turned the keys in the ignition. “Which restaurant are we going to, Peach?”

“Chateau de Awesomness” Peach responded.

Willow whistled. “Wow, fancy!” 

The minivan pulled out of the driveway and headed into the city. 

In another minivan, the boys were organised and ready to go. 

Mario would be driving, with Captain Falcon in the passenger seat. Shulk, Little Mac and Marth were squashed into the middle seat, Link and Pit shared the back and Sonic was shoved into the boot. 

Mario turned the keys into the ignition.

“Which restaurant are we going to, Mario?” Shulk asked. 

“Chateau de Awesomeness,” Mario responded.

Link whistled. “Wow, fancy!”

The minivan pulled out of the driveway and headed into the city.

Chateau de Awesomeness was quite big, with two floors and a ballroom available for rent. It sat on top of a hill and had a magnificent view of the city lights twinkling below like a sea of stars. 

The group of girls bustled in through the elegant front doors and headed for the uniformed receptionist standing nearby.

“Table for eight?” Peach asked.

The receptionist nodded. “Right this way, please…” Her voice was posh but not snooty like most of the rich citizens of the city. She led them over to a table in the corner, the top of which was polished so bright it almost hurt to look at it. She collected a bunch of menus and handed them out. 

Zelda raised her eyebrows. “They have brains here? Gross!”

“All fancy people eat brains.” Stormy flawlessly demonstrated her knowledge of rich people. 

Two minutes later the group of guys came bustling through the door.

“Table for-a eight?” Mario asked the receptionist.

The receptionist looked a little annoyed. “Another large group, hmmm? Right this way, please.” She led them to a table in another corner at the opposite end of the restaurant. 

After she handed out the menus Pit started licking his lips.

“Yum! I’m gonna order everything!”

“Even the brains?” Sonic said under his breath and he and Link snickered. 

Captain Falcon flagged down a passing waitress. “Bathroom?”

“Over there, sir.”

At the other end of the restaurant, Rosalina flagged down a passing waiter. “Bathroom?”

“Over there, ma’am.”

Rosalina and Captain Falcon ran into each other in the hallway leading to the bathroom. The shock on both their faces was quite comical, but this was a serious moment. 

“What are you…”

“...doing here?!?!?”

Rosalina stood up straight. “It it a Girl’s Night Out.”

“But we’re here on a Guy’s Night Out! You need to leave!”

The space guardian frowned. “Why do you insist we need to leave? Mario does not burst out crying or make a scene in public when he sees his girlfriend.” She said sharply.

The racer shrugged. “Yeah, but Mario gets all pissy and ruins it for the rest of us!”

“Do you seriously think we enjoy listening to Peach’s wailing for hours on end? The only reason Master Hand let us go out without our buddies is because it meant he did not have to listen to Peach! If anyone needs to leave, it it you!”

“But I don’t wanna!”

“Fine. Let’s just stay out of each other’s way. Now, please excuse me. I need to use the bathroom.”

“Whatev. But I was here first, so wait your turn. It’s the least you could do, since you won’t leave.”

Rosalina blushed with anger but didn’t say anything.

When they got back to their respective tables the waiters had just brought out the drinks. 

“What took you so long?” Willow asked.

Rosalina paused. “I, uh, just had to...poop.” She said quietly.

“Oh I just had to take a dump.” Captain Falcon said when he was asked the same question. 

Lucina went to take a sip from her milkshake when she noticed that it was running down the side of her glass, so she stood up to fetch some napkins. When she came back, she sat down and took a big gulp of milkshake. 

She spat it out over the table almost instantly and screamed from the pain that erupted over her taste buds.

“Oh my god! Why is it so hot?” She yelled before looking round the table. 

Palutena pointed at Stormy. “She did it.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Stormy said back to the snitch.

“STORMY!” Lucina’s face turned beet red. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!!!!?” 

“It was a prank.” Stormy replied. “It was meant to be a funny, harmless little prank...”

Lucina narrowed her eyes. “What did you put in there? Show it to me!”

Stormy looked around the table nervously before reaching under and pulling out a bottle of the last thing Lucina wanted to see.

“You put THAT in my milkshake?! Stormy, I swear to god…”

“It was only meant to be a drop! Like, just enough for you to order another drink to wash it down, not ‘spit it out and die’. But then someone,” she paused and stared suspiciously at Palutena, “bumped my arm and I spilt some and by then it was already too late.”

Lucina was about to respond until the waiter came up to the table. “Is everything all right, ladies?”

Lucina managed a weak smile. “Yes, everything’s fine, but may I please have another mixed berry milkshake?” 

Over at the guy’s table…

“For the last time Pit, no you can’t have everything on the menu.” Link said.

Pit pouted. “Aw, but everything sounds so good!”

“I know, but you can have one entree, one main course and one dessert. We’re not made of money.” Link leaned back and took a sip from his beer.

Marth shook his head. “I can’t believe they let a sixteen year old order beer.”

Link stopped drinking and glanced at the bottle’s label. “It’s really light beer though. Plus, it tastes like really fancy lemonade.”

Pit perked up. “Lemonade? Can I have some? Please?”

“Sure.” He passed the bottle over to the angel, who took a big gulp. The excited expression on his face changed to a sour one.

“Eurgh! This is gross! How can you drink this?” 

Shulk sat up suddenly.

“What’s up?” Marth asked. 

“Did you guys hear something?”

“Hear what?”

“It sounded like someone screaming.” Shulk said. 

“Eh, I don’t think it’s anything important.” 

Entrees and dinner passed with little incident. 

The night started unravelling quickly when dessert arrived.


	2. Fights, Mock Cream and Officer Boyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the formatting is a bit weird. I'm still kinda new to this site.
> 
> Update 6/10/18: I fixed the formatting :)

Chapter 14: Fights, Mock Cream and Officer Boyle

"We're not made of money," Marth said to Pit, who was annoyed that he couldn't have the dessert he wanted.

"Besides, quadruple-decker tiramisu has like, a ton of alcohol in it,” Sonic added.

“They do have ice cream. You like ice cream, don't you?”

Pit nodded glumly.

Mario shook his head. “Oh, let-a him have have it-a! After all, it is-a a Guys Night-a Out-a!”

Meanwhile…

“Eating donuts just seems so…un-ladylike.” Peach said.

“But donuts are delicious! You don't know what you're missing!” Stormy seemed appalled at the idea of someone not liking donuts.

“Donuts are fattening and they can clog your arteries,” Lucina said, as if she knew anything about the risks of sugar consumption.

“And the triple chocolate cheesecake and mock cream you just ordered can't?” Samus said with a half smile on her face.

“Yeah Lucina. Mock cream is probably the most unhealthy thing on the menu.” Stormy added.

“Mhm. If you eat enough mock cream your heart will give out instantly and you'll die.” Palutena joined in.

Lucina’s face turned red with anger. “Yeah, well I’m not going to eat the whole can, am I?”

The whole table was silent for a few seconds until Willow spoke. “Wait, why would a high-scale place like this even use mock cream anyway? It's cheap and awful and tastes like shit compared to real cream.”

“They probably don't even pasteurise their own milk,” Palutena said in an almost condescending tone.

“I feel lied to, now,” Peach said.

“Yeah thanks for bringing up this whole subject, Lucina,” Stormy said.

Lucina sputtered. “What? What do you mean I brought it up?”

“You're the one who ordered it.” Stormy stood up and stretched her legs. “Ow, I think my leg’s got a cramp in it…” Suddenly, in a moment of rage, Lucina lunged at Stormy and shoved her as hard as she could. Stormy stumbled backwards and bumped into a waiter carrying a silver platter with a dome lid. The waiter let out a yell of surprise and fell forwards. The dome lid landed on a diners head. The diner stumbled around in surprise, unaware of why he was suddenly unable to see before falling onto a table. The shrimp platter that was on the table was launched into the air. A piece of shrimp landed on the face of a waiter about to break open a bottle of champagne. When the shrimp fell in his eyes he screamed and swung the champagne bottle around right as the cork popped out. The cork ricochet off the walls in a zig-zag pattern towards the other end of the restaurant.

At the other end of the restaurant the waiter was about to present Pit with his quadruple-decker tiramisu. As Pit looked on in excitement and hunger, the cork whizzed by and struck the waiter’s hand. His hand jerked and more or less knocked the tiramisu into the angel’s face.

Pit sat there completely dumbfounded, his face and hair covered in biscuits, mock cream and absurd amounts of alcohol. It had happened so quickly that he couldn't even process it properly.

Then Sonic laughed, and no one could have predicted what was about to transpire.

He didn't mean it as a “haha I'm guilty” sort of laugh. He just thought it was hilarious. But in Pit’s mind Sonic was guilty somehow so he acted accordingly.

He grabbed a big handful of tiramisu and smacked it in Sonic’s face.

Sonic, without thinking, took his drink and threw it, glass and all, at his attacker.

Pit saw it coming and dodged. The glass hit a middle aged lady dead on the side of her face. She screamed and her husband jumped up. His face was flushed with anger. Sonic saw this and tried to explain himself.

He ended up taking a beer bottle to the face.

The man’s child, a boy of about eight or nine, climbed onto the table and hollered “FOOD FIGHT!”

Seconds later the entire restaurant descended into chaos.

Food flew in all directions. People hurled, and were hit with, all sorts of food, including cakes, seafood, half-raw steaks, eclairs, salads, brains and mock cream. Even some of the waiters and waitresses got in on it and several chefs had run out screaming at everyone to stop wasting their work.

“STORMY!” Lucina could be heard above everyone else, “I’M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THIS!”

“You’re the one who pushed me!” Stormy replied, throwing a handful of mussels at some lady who was approaching her with a cherry cream pie in hand.

Lucina let out a yell of frustration but a piece of tomato landed square in her mouth. “Ten points!” someone called.

“Huh,” Link said as he dodged a meat pattie drenched in tomato chutney (not sauce, this place was far too fancy for plain old tomato sauce) “I could’ve sworn I heard Lucina yelling.”

Shulk shook his head. “Nah. Couldn’t have been. The girls would all be back at the mansion watching movies.”

Just then, a man dressed in a smart business suit stepped out of the kitchen. He was obviously the manager of the restaurant and boy, was he pissed at the people causing a ruckus.

He stood up onto a table and produced a microphone.

“All right, who was it that started this ungodly commotion?” he demanded.

Two sides of the restaurant pointed in different directions, but both parties from the Smash Mansion were already long gone.

As the girls walked down the street still covered in food, Peach wore a strange expression on her face. Because of this, it was difficult to tell whether she had fun or was about to start crying.

“Well,” Samus began, “that was interesting.”

“Indeed,” Rosalina agreed. She wet her finger and began to rub at a stain on her dress. Even though she was covered in food, she was glad to be out of the restaurant, narrowing down their chances of running into the boys.

“Ooooh, that Stormy,” Lucina clenched her fists in anger, “when I get my hands on her I’m gonna-”

“Hey,” Palutena looked around, “where is Stormy?”

The boys dragged their feet along. Pit and Sonic were apologising to each other. Even though it wasn’t his fault, Sonic still felt guilty about what happened to the tiramisu.

“I know a place where we can grab some dessert,” he said.

“Oh, really? Is this gonna be like that time you said you knew an awesome pizzeria but it ended up getting raided by the police because the owners were secretly running a drug ring?” Marth said.

“Wait, what?” Shulk asked.

“No, it’s not like that, I promise. It’s a Chinese restaurant slash dessert bar. They’ve got desserts from across the flippin’ universe!”

“I’d like to-a go,” Mario said.

“Well, I’m down as well,” Link added.

“We might as well. Dinner was a disaster,” Little Mac said.

“It’s decided then,” Sonic started down a little side road. “It’s right down here…”

Stormy just wanted to cause more mischief.

It was partially because of impulse but she was also driven by a part of her soul that wanted to see just how obnoxious she could be. That could be why she disobeyed her dad. Or maybe she’s so obnoxious because she disobeyed her dad.

Either way, she wanted to do something stupidly daring.

There was a cop car pulled up next to another car, a civilian’s car, on the side of the street. Probably pulled over for speeding. The cop, a chubby man with dark skin, was standing by the window of the other car, talking sternly to whoever was inside.

Stormy crept up to the cop car. The keys were still in the ignition. Awesome.

Okay. Just one quick ride then she’ll leave the car somewhere for the cops to find.

If she found out what was to happen, she probably would have just left the car alone.

She slid into the driver’s seat and turned the keys. The cop turned around, surprised, and a little bit angry when he discovered that it was some teenage girl stealing his ride.

Stormy did a sharp U-turn and roared down the street. The adrenaline rush gave her a feeling of invincibility. The fact that she had a chance of not getting caught was going to her head.

She switched on the lights and sirens. Instantly, cars would slow down and let her pass. She soared down street after street until she came across the girls standing on the footpath. She honked the horn and waved.

The whole group didn’t even have to turn around to see who it was. They already knew, somehow, that it would be fourteen year old Stormy Skywalker behind the wheel.

Peach and Rosalina would shake their heads.

Samus would give that strange half-smile.

Lucina would be pissing herself with anger.

Stormy laughed at those thoughts.

That juvenile sense of invincibility would come to an abrupt end when she saw a balloon in the middle of the street, along with a kid trying to catch it, and swerved hard to avoid them. Before she knew it, the front of the cop car was halfway through a Chinese restaurant. The diners were simply staring in shock. An old woman emerged from behind the front desk and began cursing at her in Chinese.

From inside the restaurant, Captain Falcon saw exactly who the idiot driving the cop car was. He was lucky that no one else did.

“Holy shit,” Marth said when the collision took place. “We should go. It probably won’t be safe to stick around.”

Pit whined, as they had only just been served their long-awaited dessert, but some cruel twist of fate had prevented them from eating it for a second time.

“Stop complaining Pit, we’ll get ice cream on the way back,” Captain Falcon began to usher everyone out the back door.

Within minutes several ambulances and cop cars pulled up. One of the responding officers was the very pissed off fat cop who’s car was involved in the accident. He marched over, flung the door open and grabbed Stormy’s arm and yanked her outside.

“You! You crazy or somethin? You realise you could’a killed someun?”

Stormy glanced down at the officer’s name tag. “Well, er, Officer Boyle, you shouldn’t have left your keys in the ignition then,”

Officer Boyle looked like he was genuinely about to slap her but then the girls showed up. Lucina’s face had gone almost completely purple.

“OF ALL THE STUPID, FOOLHARDY THING TO DO!!!” she screamed.

Soon, all the girls were sitting with Stormy in the police station. Peach still wore that same strange look on her face. If she cried, the Stormy wouldn’t blame her. She’d ruined her Girl’s Night Out for the sake of satisfying that obnoxious part of her very being.

Zelda turned to Willow.

“My God! If I’d known the night would turned out like this, I would’ve just stayed behind.”

However, if Zelda did indeed stay behind at the mansion, she would have wanted to have gone on the Girl’s Night Out instead.


	3. Chapter 15: Lover's Showdown

Chapter 15: Lover’s Showdown

“What do you mean the mansion got flooded?” Palutena asked. The girls had arrived home to find everything damp and dripping. Apparently someone (aka Greninja) wanted to turn the gym into a swimming pool but ended up flooding the entire ground floor of the mansion. Greninja was now in Master Hand’s office, getting a stern talking to about the incident and every window and door was open to help speed up the drying process. 

Robin laughed nervously. “Yeah. Everything got pretty bad. But hey, why are you guys here so early? I thought you were going to dinner and a movie.”

“We were, but then we had to bail Stormy out of prison.” Palutena said.

Robin’s eyes widened. “Wha-? What did she do?”

“She stole a police car and crashed it into a Chinese restaurant,” Samus explained, with a strained look on her face as if she was trying not to laugh out loud, especially since Lucina had only just now calmed down about the whole incident and she didn't want to set her off again.

“The first week of Super Smash Brothers and she's already got a criminal record!” Robin shook his head. 

“I know! She's practically got one foot in the grave!” Zelda said.

“She’s gonna get herself killed if she doesn't watch out,” Lucina mumbled. 

Just then, the group of guys stumbled in through the front door, with half-melted ice creams in hand. 

“You wouldn't believe the crazy night we just- hey why is everything all wet?” Sonic asked.

“Greninja tried to turn the gym into a swimming pool and ended up destroying the whole ground floor,” Robin replied. 

“Where were you guys?” Zelda asked.

“Oh man! Tonight was crazy!” Shulk stated, “we went to Chateau de Awesomness and Pit and Sonic started this epic food fight, and then we went to this Chinese dessert bar and someone crashed a police car through the front of it!” Shulk then noticed the shocked expressions on the girls faces. “Uh, what's wrong?”

There was a long pause.

“Yeah, we were there for all of it,” Samus said. 

A slow expression of understanding spread over their faces. It was quiet except for Sonic’s laughing. “Haw haw haw! You wanted to spend a night away from Peach but she was there the whole time! Haw haw haw!”

“Mario!” Peach pushed her way to the front of the group, “how could you choose Chateau de Awesomness when you knew how much I love it? Is this some kind of mockery of me?”

“For fuck’s sake, not this shit again,” Samus said, but everyone ignored her. 

Mario was just as agitated. “How was-a I supposed to-a know you would-a be there-a?! I didn't-a even know you were-a going out-a!” 

“Stop making this all about you!” Peach was hysterical. 

“I never-a said this was-a all about me-a!” Mario’s face had twisted into something hideous. 

Peach’s response was a full open-palm slap across the face. 

Mario lashed out with his foot and struck her in the shin. 

Both parties simply watched in horror as the two former lovers suddenly went from pointless arguing to full on violence. Though they argued frequently, they had never gotten physical with one another before that night. But they fought as if attacking their partner came naturally to them. She would take him by the throat and he would grab a handful of her hair. Even Samus, who normally would be the one to break up fights, just stood there gaping. 

Evidently the sound somehow managed to reach the bedrooms on the third floor, because Dark Pit suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs leading to the elevators, with dark rings under his eyes and his head still wrapped in a bandage, and looking even more pissed off than ever.

As soon as he saw the cause of the noise that had interrupted his precious sleep, he marched down the stairs and towards the quarrelling couple. In the blink of an eye he grabbed them both by the scruff of their neck and, with all his strength, banged their heads together. They stopped instantly. 

“For fuck’s sake, just shut the hell up! You two clearly don't even like each other, so why the hell are you still together?!” the angel roared. He turned to Peach. “You! When will you realise that all the stupid shit you argue about isn't even worth the breath you waste on it? Stop being so self-centred and realise that you're not the only one with problems, so stop whinging about every little thing that goes wrong and then try and pin it on Mario!” He faced the plumber. “And you! You say that Peach is unreasonable and doesn't care about you, so why didn't you leave her? Why didn't you just go and date that Pauline person you fucked that one time? It worries me that you're seen as the world’s ‘it’ couple but you're constantly at each other’s throats! And it worries me even more that a three year old angel who had never dated anyone in his life knows more about this kind of crap than you do!” Dark Pit took a breath and continued in a much quieter voice. “Now, for god’s sake, shut up and let the rest of us sleep. And if you want to keep on fighting, don't expect the rest of us to care.” An with that, Dark Pit walked off back to bed. 

“...I'm just gonna go…” Robin said, backing away slowly. 

“Yes. Come on, Peach. It's been a long day and we should get some rest. Zelda said, taking a stunned-into-silence Peach by the arm and leading her away. 

“Yep. Let's go, Mario,” Link said, doing the same.

Quickly, one by one, the crowd dispersed.

Robin entered his bedroom (quietly, as Beebs and Duck Hunt were asleep) and realised that Dark Pit wasn't in the room. In the dim hallway light, he could see that the bedsheets were rumpled and thrown back as if in a rage, but the angel himself wasn't between them. Robin thought it was a little odd, considering how Dark Pit had to sleep in the infirmary for the past night or two and had been eager to use his own bed, but he shrugged it off and chalked it up to him finding a quieter place to snooze.

Robin wasn't wrong in that regard.

Dark Pit exited the teletransporter and staggered tiredly towards the big wooden doors. They opened up for him and Artemis was there. He fell forwards into her arms and breathed into the baby blue ribbons that covered her shoulders.

“I'm tired. So, so tired.” He mumbled, “I just want a quiet place to sleep.”

Artemis nodded. “Come on then, let's go to one of the guest bedrooms,” she took his hand and floated towards the stairs, leading him along.

Back at the mansion, all was quiet. For now...


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 16: Tea and Tales

Daisy had to awkwardly bend her knees in order to fit them under the table.

She was at Old Man Jenkins’ house for the tea which she had been invited to several days earlier. For the occasion, she had dug around in Stormy’s wardrobe and managed to scrounge up an off-white sweater, a thin orange dress and a pair of thigh-high black stockings, all of which smelled faintly of mothballs. The mix-and-match outfit was last minute, as she had managed to spill her cereal all over her sports dress. 

Old Man Jenkins had welcomed her into his house and ushered her into his living room, where he seated her at the low coffee table and hurried away to prepare the tea.

As she waited, Daisy looked around the room. It was quite old. The wallpaper was beginning to peel and the carpet was threadbare. There was no TV, only a mantelpiece and a bookshelf overflowing with books and a few of whom Daisy assumed were family and friends. 

Is this what it's like being alone in the world? Daisy wondered. When everyone's gone and you're stuck in a crumbling house with nothing more than photos and memories? When you're so desperate for human company that you try to strike up a friendship with the first person who comes along? Daisy may forget stuff half the time, but she isn't stupid. She can tell when someone's lonely. 

What was taking Jenkins so long? Suppose he needed help? He was quite old, after all. 

Daisy forgot how low the table was until she moved her legs and accidentally tipped the whole thing over, old chipped teacups and all. 

“Oh, fuck!” She shouted. 

Jenkins came into the room balancing a tray holding a teapot and a plate of biscuits on his walker. His eyes widened at the mess.

Daisy was practically falling over herself trying to tip the table back over and gather the teacups. 

“I am so sorry!” She said, “it was an accident…”

Old Man Jenkins only laughed as he hobbled over and placed the tray on the table after Daisy managed to straighten it again. “Oho, that's quite alright.” He said. 

Daisy sighed internally, a little relieved. She's worried for a second that she'd made a bad first impression. Luckily, Jenkins didn't seem like the kind of old person who'd launch into a lecture about the “kids today” over a simple act of clumsiness. And if there was one thing Daisy hated more than that stupid overdramatic movie “Curtains of the Mind”, it was being lectured. 

Jenkins sat in the easy chair next to the table. “Now, where are you from?”

“Mushroom Kingdom.” Daisy said, grabbing a biscuit. “I'm supposed to be watching it for my friend Peach, who rules it.”

Jenkins nodded but looked confused. “Then what are you doing in Half Moon?”

His curious and imploring but gentle tone, coupled with Daisy’s increasing paranoia, made her feel like she wouldn't care if he didn't believe her.

“Because…” Daisy took a deep breath, “I think I'm being hunted by a ghost.” 

Jenkins leaned forwards. “Ah, I've heard of the ones you're talking about. I used to be in the army, you know, and when I was deployed the locals would tell us to watch out for these kinds of ghosts. They are relentless, vengeful and will kill you if you don't watch out.”

Daisy listened to all of this quietly and a lone tear rolled down her cheek. 

“Who is it, love? Who's hunting you?”

Daisy's voice trembled as she said “my mother.” 

“Care for a spot of tea, Monsieur McCloud?” Stormy asked in the fakest posh accent she could manage. 

“Of course, Madame Skywalker,” Fox responded, playing along. “Madame Aran?” 

“No thank you. These buns are absolutely divine, you must try them! Monsieur Lombardi, do take one.”

“Thank you.” 

The four of them were in the garden, having scored a pot of tea and a plate of buns and biscuits from the kitchen. Peach must have baked them several days ago, yet they still tasted fresh. 

Stormy was the first to crack and she broke out into a fit of giggles. “What the hell are we doing?” 

“I don't know. You started it,” Fox was smiling. 

Samus leaned back in her chair. “Ah, this is probably my favourite thing about Smash. Not kicking everyone's asses, but just spending time with my friends.”

“You have friends?” Falco asked jokingly before receiving a kick to the shins. 

“Of course I do, you dumb shit.” 

Just then, Pit and Link passed by with armload a of hot dogs and bottles of spray cheese. 

“What the hell are you doing with all that cheese?” Samus asked. 

“Cheesy hot dogs,” Link responded, “It was his idea!” He pointed at Pit.

“But spray cheese on hot dogs is delicious!” Pit protested, “I could eat it all day if I could!”

Just then, Stormy realised she'd solved the mystery from Chapter 2 that everyone had probably forgotten by now.


	5. Fishy Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was partially inspired by Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Old School. 
> 
> And I have some weird ideas for the next chapter.

Chapter 17: Fishy Business

“Now I remember!” Stormy shouted. 

Everyone turned to look at her,

“Now I remember where I saw you before!” Stormy pointed an almost accusing finger at Pit. He simply stared back, confused. 

“December 23rd, last year. I went to the Shoberg Street gas station in Half Moon to get some Christmas snacks ‘cause they have the best selection. And some angel - you! - was chugging all the spray cheese!” 

“Oh right!” Pit laughed, “I forgot about that! It was funny!”

“No it wasn't! You left us decent folk without spray cheese. At Christmas time, no less!”

“Well, congratulations Detective Skywalker. Mystery solved,” Falco said sarcastically. 

Stormy shot him a murderous glare before turning back to Pit. “Anyway, I want payment. Hand it over.” 

Pit clutched the cans of spray cheese to his chest. “No!” 

Let’s just say it was another two days before Palutena discovered Pit had been hiding a black eye under a mountain of makeup he borrowed from Zelda. 

Meanwhile…

Daisy was hungry. She’d eaten all the canned food Stormy had in her pantry and there was nothing left. 

Well, almost nothing.

An array of treats filled the top pantry shelf. Chips, chocolate, the works, as well as some odd-looking foodstuffs Daisy couldn't pick out. But Stormy had told Daisy via text to not go anywhere near the top shelf unless she wanted her teeth knocked out. Daisy didn’t know what all that food was for. There was no way Stormy could eat it all by herself. 

Daisy could have ordered takeout. But she had checked her credit card balance when she went into town to pick up some more milk and the results had shocked her. There was no way in hell she was going back to the Mushroom Kingdom after what Old Man Jenkins had told her, so that meant finally buckling down and getting a job. 

As for the food situation, there was only one other option.

She make something herself. 

Daisy instantly balked at the idea. She was not good in the kitchen whatsoever. Anything that required more skill than two-minute noodles often resulted in the smoke alarms being set off and Peach marching down the stairs demanding to know what went wrong this time. 

Her stomach rumbled. 

After a few minutes of searching, Daisy managed to dig up two cookbooks; Daira and Simone’s How To Cook and Kiddie’s First Cookbook. They both smelled musty as hell. 

Daisy opened up Daria and Simone’s and was instantly met with a recipe for roast lamb with potatoes and homemade mint jelly. Too much to ask for, she thought as she chucked the heavy book onto the couch. 

She opened up the kiddie one and found a recipe for an omelette. Okay, there were a couple of eggs. There was cheese and a bit of shredded ham still in the fridge she could use for a filling. Okay, she could do this. 

Twenty minutes later she stared down at her plate. The omelette was scorched but she had done it. She had actually made something without additional adult supervision. Sure, the counter had raw egg and bits of shell smeared across it and the frying pan had burnt egg stuck to it, but none of that mattered. She felt like a responsible adult who could take care of herself. 

Daisy took a bite of her omelette. The charcoal tasted like victory. 

A few days later Peach had cried through the rest of her makeup. She cried silently as she asked her roommate Zelda if she could borrow hers. 

“Sorry Peach, but Pit took the last of it.”

This made Peach more upset. What in the world would Pit need with Zelda’s makeup?

Meanwhile...

“Hey!” Toonie shouted at Ganondorf. “Fight me! One-on-one, tennis courts, now!” He puffed out his chest. 

Ganondorf chuckled, and dust fell from the ceiling. “You’re no match for me, little man.” 

Toonie scowled and puffed his chest out even further. Ganon rolled his eyes. “Alright, fine. But I’m just sayin’, I’m not goin’ easy on you.” 

Stormy and Little Mac were sitting in his room playing Go Fish when Pit burst into the room, followed by Marth and Sonic. Pit wasn't wearing his undershirt, because he was holding it up in a squirming bundle. He was shouting. He ran into the bathroom, Marth and Sonic following suite. The door shut behind them. 

For a while, there was nothing except for the sounds of hushed whispering and water splashing. Then they all emerged, smiling. 

“I caught a fish!” Pit exclaimed. 

“How? And where? I didn't know we had fishing equipment,” Little Mac said. 

“We went down to Shadsie Creek,” Marth explained, “it's at the end of the gardens, by the walkway. And Pit used his undershirt.” 

Stormy scrunched up her face in confusion. “How do you use a shirt to catch a fish?” 

“I used it like a net,” Pit used his hands to demonstrate. 

“Anyway, we stuck it in the toilet,” Sonic said, “and we emptied our drink bottles in there so has a bit more water to splash around in. Anyway, I'm getting a snack.” 

“But!” Stormy said as the trio dashed out into the hallway, “why didn't you just put it in the bathtub?!” 

Ganon stomped down the hallway. Everything was shaking violently. 

“What's gotten you in a mood?” Palutena said in a very unsympathetic way. 

“Some heartless bastard has takes the tennis rackets! I was gonna whoop Toonie's ass with them!” 

That night an announcement about the theft came over the PA system as everyone was hunched over bowls of chicken noodle soup. 

“Sometime today, an unknown person broke into the sports shed and stole the tennis rackets,” Master Hand explained, “if you have any info on who it could be, please see me in my office. Thank you.” And the speaker went silent. 

There was an immediate buzz of interest. 

“Wait, was it only the tennis rackets that were missing?” Wilson asked. Ganon nodded glumly. 

“Who the fuck steals only tennis rackets?” Samus said. “The fucking pogo sticks are worth more, and we’ve only got like, two.”

“We have pogo sticks?” Stormy asked, intrigued.

“Yeah, but we're banned from using them.” 

“Why?” 

Before Samus could answer, a horrifying eye-watering odour filled the cafeteria. 

“Holy fuck Wario, did you fart again?” 

“Actually no, that was me,” Lemmy said. By the time he had finished speaking everyone was already filing through the door. Lemmy sighed. He was never gonna get popular with the fandom like this! 

Later, Marth, Lucina, Palutena, Pit, Sonic, Samus, Little Mac and Stormy were in the boys room playing Trivial Pursuit. 

“This game is fucking retarded!” Sonic said angrily. 

“That's because you're retarded,” Samus fired back. 

“No I'm not!” 

“You haven't even gotten one question right so far.” Marth pointed out. Sonic stuck his tounge out at him. 

“Can we stop for a minute? I need to use the bathroom.” Lucina stood up and walked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Seconds later, an ear-piercing scream filled the air.

Lucina flung the door open and marched over to Marth, who had a guilty smile on his face. 

“Marth?” Lucina asked quietly.

“Yes Lucina?” 

“Would you care to explain WHY THERE IS A FISH IN YOUR TOILET?!??!!”


	6. Grocery Shopping with the Young Ones

Chapter 18: Grocery Shopping with the Young Ones

“Look, it's just… Pit was so excited and we thought he'd just keep it for a few hours then toss it back, but then he named it and, we just couldn't bring ourselves to ask him to get rid of it.” Marth explained to Master Hand. He and Lucina and Pit were standing before his desk. Marth had responded to Lucina’s question with a stupid joke that had enraged her even more, to the point where she'd gotten Master Hand involved. 

“I just wanted a pet,” Pit said sadly, his head bowed. 

Master Hand nodded a finger understandably. “I know, but you can't keep a wild fish in the mansion, Pit. It belongs in its natural habitat.” 

Pit sniffed and wiped his nose. 

“Tomorrow you're going to take the fish back and release it.”

Pit bowed his head further and sniffed again, louder this time. 

Master Hand motioned towards the door. “Now, to bed. All of you.” 

The three of them left. 

Marth patted Pit on the back and shot a glare at Lucina, which she ignored.

The next morning, Pit, Palutena, Marth, Sonic and a few others made their way down to the creek. Pit was holding a bright red bucket with his fish in it. 

When they reached the creek, Pit walked up to the edge of the water and stopped. He knelt down. 

“I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to keep you. But, I'll set you free do that you can go back and live with all of your fishy friends…” Pit said sadly.

During the eulogy Sonic felt the familiar sensation of a full bladder. He desperately needed to go, but there was no way he was going to piss in the creek. Or the woods. 

“Goodbye, Mr Splashy Pants,” Pit choked out.

“Goodbye, Mr Splashy Pants,” the small crowd echoed.

Pit upturned the bucket and the fish slid out and swam off, free at last. Pit stood up and sobbed, and Palutena wrapped an arm around him comfortingly. 

The crowd began to disperse then, and Pit caught sight of Dark Pit heading with them.

“Pittoo?” He called out. 

He turned. “Oh. Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

Dark Pit rubbed the back of his neck. “I...just came to, uh, pay my respects.” 

Pit threw his arms around him. “Thank you.”

For once Dark Pit didn't shove him off. 

Sonic's pace began to quicken as he approached the mansion. He REALLY needed to go! 

He threw open the back door leading to the garden and dashed inside. He sprinted down the hallway, around the corner, shoved open the men's bathroom door, and took the only one of the two cubicles still free. 

There, he then proceeded to piss in an unbroken stream for like twenty seconds, sighing with relief all the while. 

“That was a lot,” came a voice from the other cubicle. 

Sonic nearly shat himself. Not because the voice broke the unwritten bathroom law of not speaking to others doing their business, but because it was a girl's voice. In the men's bathroom. Moreover, he recognized the voice. 

“Ashley? What the hell are you doing in the men's toilets, for fucks sake?” 

“Phosphora and Ghirahim were cooking drugs in the bathroom at the Assist House, and when I came into the girls toilets next to these, there were a couple of Miis making out in there, so I just came in here instead.”

Sonic just shook his head and sighed. 

In the cafeteria, Zelda was flashing her new laptop that Link had given her for Christmas the previous year. 

“I'm so grateful, honestly! I can finally keep up to date with current events and whatnot than have to wait for the Castle Town event board to be updated! Eee!” Zelda squealed and accesses a news site. “Now, what's going on in Crescent Moon? There's a new plant nursery being opened, a Gorillaz concert, a farmer’s market-”

“Did you say Gorillaz?!” Samus shouted around a mouthful of oatmeal, from seven tables away. 

“Yes, I did,” Zelda turned back to her laptop and typed something in, “they're whaaa!” She shrieked as Samus suddenly appeared behind her and snatched the laptop. 

“Why would you wanna go see some gorillas,” Captain Falcon began, “when we have our very own gorillas right here!” He gave Donkey Kong a hearty slap on the back. 

Samus pulled a face. “No, Gorillaz. They’re like, the greatest band EVER!” She shifted her gaze back to the laptop. “OMG! They're playing in Crescent Moon THIS AFTERNOON! All the normie tickets are sold out, but they've still got VIPs left. EEE! I must go!” 

“Wow, I never thought you'd be into Gorillaz, Samus,” Link commented. 

“Well, I am! Hey, ask me who my favourite band member is!” 

Link sighed, but complied. “Who's your favourite band member, Samus?”

“It's Noodle!”

Captain Falcon spat out a laugh. “Noodle? This fella’s name is Noodle?” 

Samus glared at him. “Noodle’s a girl, and yes, that is her name!” She was bouncing on her heels, practically hyperventilating.“I'm gonna go ask Master Hand if I can go!” With that, she ran out the cafeteria doors. 

“But you'd need to bring Sonic with you! You remember the rules!” Link called out after her. 

Speaking of Sonic, he'd just discovered that the lock on the door was stuck. 

“Son of a bitch,” he swore under his breath as he furiously jiggled the lock around, to no avail. 

“What's wrong?” Ashley asked.

“Lock’s stuck,” he said. 

“Just crawl out underneath, then.” 

Sonic got to his knees. Through the gap in the door he could see Ashley's feet as she waited expectantly on the other side. 

If he thought it through properly, he would have realised he had a better chance of making it out if he got on top of the toilet and climbed out instead. 

Sonic lay on his belly and shuffled commando-style under the door before he came to a sudden halt. He scrabbled forwards, which did nothing. Ashley looked down at him. 

“It's your quills. They don't quite fit.”

Sonic slammed his open palm against the floor. “Alright, I'll try going backwards.” But he couldnt go backwards, either. He was properly wedged in. 

The hedgehog stared at Ashley's lower legs (the only body part he could see as he couldn't move his head up properly) with pleading eyes. “Please help me!” 

“All right,” Ashley whipped out her wand and pointed it at him. She uttered some incomprehensible magic spell and Sonic found himself not under the door, but in the door. In the middle of the door. 

Sonic opened his mouth to complain, but instead he screamed like a little bitch. 

The screaming could be heard all the way from the observatory, where the Lumas were gathered, discussing the flaws and limits of Operation Luma Stampede. However, it was ignored. There were more important topics at hand.

“The sugar just keeps on coming, Orion! We can't keep doing this every night!” Blossom, a red Luma, shouted. 

“We should have been having discussions like this before we agreed to execute this stupid plan!” Cosma said. 

“Yeah!” The other Lumas agreed, “there's no way we can eat all the sugar in the world. We were stupid to listen to you…” The voices trailed off as Orion, ignoring the complaints, flicked the radio on and strange, primal music filled the observatory. The Lumas stopped talking completely and they just floated there, motionless. 

“Good. That's better. You've all been bad Lumas,” Orion said, his voice suddenly dropping an octave. 

“We've been bad Lumas,” the Lumas parroted back in a dull drone. 

“You need to learn to obey your  
master.”

“We need to learn to obey our master.”

Orion continued talking but stopped when he heard the familiar delicate clicking of Mama’s heels echoing up the spiral staircase leading to the observatory. He switched off the music and the Lumas snapped out of their trance, blinking in confusion. 

“Good morning, lovelies!” Rosalina reached the top of the staircase, “what are you all doing up here?” 

She received only disorientated mumbling in response. 

“Are you all right?” 

“Yes, Mama!” Orion said, “they're just all tired. We stayed up too late last night.”

Rosalina shook her head disapprovingly. “Oh, honeys. You know you're not allowed to do that.” She produced at paper bag and tipped the colourful contents into the ground. “But anyway, it's time for breakfast!” 

That got the Lumas responding quicker, as they all milled around the pile of Star Bits. 

Samus re-entered the cafeteria, stomping her feet and sulking like a stroppy teenager. 

“Let me guess-he said no?” Link said. 

Samus scowled even harder, if that was possible. “He also said that he wasn't wasting money on something I can just watch on TV. It's not fair!” 

A new week was here, which meant another day spent doing the Young Ones programme. This is so dumb, Zelda thought. If it wasn't for Peach and her intolerance of kids, I could be training or reading. Damn it, Peach! Why did you have to go and bring it back?

When everyone was assembled and gathered in the minivan, Chrom turned around to face everyone. “Alright everyone, this week, we’re going shopping!”

“Yay!” All the kids cheered. 

“Grocery shopping!”

“Boooo!” 

“Now come on,” Chrom frowned, “the whole point of this programme is to do meaningful and productive activities. Okay, the mall was fun, but now we have to be serious.” 

“You might actually be less fun than Lucina,” Stormy said from where she'd been unceremoniously shoved into the boot again. 

“Don't talk about my daughter like that!”

“Everyone please,” Lyn threw up her hands. “If you all behave today, I don't see why we can't get a treat.” 

“A...treat?” Ness asked. 

“What kind of treat?” Toonie asked suspiciously. 

“Something small. Like a chocolate bar or some gumdrops or what have you.” 

Toonie nodded in approval as Chrom drove into the city. 

Ten minutes of navigating around countless side streets and being stuck in traffic later, they arrived at the supermarket. 

When everyone lined up outside, Chrom sorted them into groups. 

“Those over the age of fifteen go with Lyn, and the rest, come with me.” He handed a shopping list to Lyn and off she went, followed by Link, Zelda, Pit, Shulk and Little Mac. 

That left Chrom to wrangle Stormy, Ness, Toonie and Dark Pit into behaving. They grabbed a deep trolley and entered the fruits and vegetables section. 

“Okay!” Chrom clapped his hands together, “Ness, you get apples and bananas, Toonie, carrots and lettuce, Stormy, garlic and onions and Dark Pit, coriander and mint, please.” He ordered. 

They scattered into different directions, and things went wrong almost immediately. 

“That's not lettuce, Toonie!” Ness shouted as he tried to fill a plastic bag with apples at the same time. 

“Then what is it?”

“It's cabbage!” 

“Oh, whatever, they won't notice. It's not like anyone eats it, anyway.” Toonie grabbed two heads of cabbage and put them in the trolley. Luckily Chrom didn't notice because he was trying to figure out whether he should get several punnets of strawberries or fill up his own bag. 

Ness knocked an apple, which sent an entire avalanche of Red Delicious cascading and rolling across the floor. He stood there in shock as passersby helped to pick them all back up again. 

Dark Pit went over to the herb section only to find a complete and utter lack of both coriander and mint. Fucking. Brilliant. 

Toonie, seeing the mess Ness had made of the apples, decided to help out by getting the bananas for him. As he chose a bunch an idea formed in his head. 

He picked a particularly large, thick banana and held it over his crotch. He then proceeded to thrust his crotch at any shopper who walked past, who gave him looks of disgust. Ness noticed this behaviour too, and was more than a little weirded out.

“Chrooom, Toonie’s shagging the bananas!” He shouted.

The shout caught the attention of every shopper in the section, including Chrom, who immediately wheeled the trolley over. 

“For God’s sake Toonie, what's the matter with you?” He snatched the bananas and put them in the trolley before picking up Toonie and setting him down in the kids seat. 

“They don't have coriander or mint.” Dark Pit said, coming up from behind.

Chrom groaned. What next?

“Hey, Chrom?” Stormy asked nervously, carrying a bag of onions.

“What?”

“I, um, I forgot what garlic looks like,” she smiled nervously. 

Things arguably got worse in the dairy section. Ness and Toonie were sent to get a bottle of cream when Toonie had another stupid brainwave. 

He grabbed his pocket knife and a bottle of cream, waited until Chrom was distracted by Stormy asking him a question, then stuck the blade into the bottle cap. He lowered the bottle over his pants and when he squeezed it, the cream inside came squirting out in a thin stream through the hole. 

“Hey, look Ness! I'm creaming my pants!” Toonie cackled at his own joke while squeezing the cream into the floor, then onto Ness’s leg. He squealed and stepped back. Toonie then aimed the bottle in an arc overhead and spun around in a circle. Many people ducked to avoid getting squirted (heh) and Stormy was bent over, clutching her stomach and laughing uncontrollably. 

Chrom, however, was not impressed. Even less so when he took a stream of cream to the eye. 

For Chrom’s group, shopping ended early when they were escorted out by a security guard with a shirt covered in cream. 

When Lyn met them outside half an hour later with her group and a full trolley in tow, she was smiling. 

“What?” Chrom demanded angrily.

“Nothing,” Lyn shook her head, but she was still smiling. 

Chrom pointed in her face. “Next week, you're taking them.” 

When they got home, Master Hand was punishing Bowser for breaking a window in the front hall by making him repair it. 

When he was finished his lecture on being careful, he turned to the group and said, “well, how'd it go?” 

Chrom's response was to burst into tears. 

Stormy shook her head. “It really is the saddest thing ever, watching a grown man cry.” 

Samus was in a crabby mood. Since it was the weekend, there were no battles today. She really needed to punch something, and Sandbag just didn't quite cut it. She wanted something more fleshy. Preferably Master Hand. He deserved it. How could he not let her go see her favourite band? The news website said they'd only be in Crescent Moon until tomorrow, where their next concert would be in Full Moon, but that was in the next state over, and there was no way Master Hand would let her go. Grr! It's so unfair! 

It was late afternoon. Nearly dinner time. The concert would most certainly be over by now. 

Samus decided she'd go for a walk. She'd take the walkway that ran behind the mansion (with a chain link fence around part of the way to prevent deranged fans from trying to sneak into the mansion gardens) and led into the city. She could do with it, give her a chance to cool down. 

Samus decided not to bother trying to convince Sonic to go with her, as per the Buddy rules, but maybe Stormy would like come along. 

She headed to the front door while looking for Stormy. Bowser was there, repairing the window he broke while chasing Ganondork around. His big hands were seriously hindering him. 

The smell of butter chicken, basmati rice and chocolate self-saucing pudding wafted over from the main kitchen and the cafeteria. Yum. Samus felt her stomach rumble. Or, maybe, she'd wait till after dinner to have her walk. Daylight savings meant she'd still have enough light to see, plus she knew she'd find Stormy in the cafeteria because right now, she was nowhere to be found. 

Samus turned to leave and heard the front doors opening behind her. 

“Bloody ‘ell, these doors are ‘eavy!” A vaguely familiar voice said. 

“Nah, it's ‘cause you have no muscle, Dee.” There was another familiar voice! 

“I can't believe it!” This time, it was a woman's voice, with a slight Japanese accent.

“Can't believe what, baby-girl?” 

“That I'm in the SMASH MANSION! This is a dream come true!” 

Suddenly, Samus recognised the voices with a jolt. She turned around to see a Japanese woman, about her age, with choppy black hair and wearing black high-waisted shorts and a leather jacket. She stared at Samus and Samus stared back, because she couldn't believe who she was seeing. 

It was Noodle, the guitarist from Gorillaz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I said I had some weird ideas for this chapter. \\_( " )_/
> 
> (Okay I literally cannot do that shrugging face thing properly lol)


	7. Impromptu Sleepover feat. Gorillaz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been getting into Gorillaz recently, hence their sudden appearance here. Hope I didn't butcher their personalities too much! 
> 
> Also, Noodle turns 28 on Halloween, so Happy Birthday Noodle!

Chapter 19: Improptu Sleepover feat. Gorillaz

After thirty seconds of silence, Noodle was the first to react. 

She squealed at an inhuman pitch and ran forwards. Samus did the same. 

They met in the middle and practically threw themselves into a hug. Their combined fangirl shrieks were enough to completely shatter the window that Bowser had just fixed. Bowser dropped to his knees and began to sob loudly. His despair was lost amidst the squealing and shouts of “OH MY GOD!!!” Finally, they pulled away from each other. 

Noodle was smiling wildly. “OHMYGODICAN’TBELIEVEIT’SYOUYOU’REMYFAVOURITEFIGHTERINALLOFSMASH!!!!!” 

“ANDICAN’TBELIEVEIT’SYOUEITHERYOU’REMYFAVOURITEMUSICIANOFALLTIME!!!!!” Samus also began shout-slurring her words together. 

Suddenly, the grille leading to the ventilation shaft in the ceiling shifted and moved away. Stormy then descended, hanging upside-down on a rope made of tied-together bedsheets. 

“Geezus, what's with all the yelling, what's going on…” She didn't quite finish her sentence as Master Hand appeared. 

“Yes, what is going on here?” The gloved hand asked. 

“We was headin’ out when our tour bus broke down jus’ outside your gate. We was wondering if we could stay the night and call a garage in the mornin’.” Russel explained.

Master Hand nodded. “I don't see why not. I'll have the Miis prepare the guest bedrooms. And it's dinner time and you're welcome to help yourselves. Please, make yourselves at home.” Then, he turned to face Stormy. He cleared his throat. “Stormy, what were you doing in the ventilation shafts?” 

“Hey, you have your hobbies and I have mine!” Stormy said defensively. 

Just then, the gong for dinner rang. 

“Oh, good! Food!” Stormy dropped to the floor and broke into a sprint in the direction of the cafeteria. 

“Food?” The front door was pushed open again and Ace entered the mansion. He peered up at the knotted bedsheets descending from the vents. “...Did someone attempt a prison escape?” 

Russel just shrugged in response. 

Samus grabbed Noodle’s arm and dragged her towards the cafeteria, still giggling excitedly. Russel and Ace followed, Ace still looking around at the mix-and-match decor in the hallway. Behind them, Bowser was still bawling his eyes out. 

Marth licked his lips as RedQueen, a Mii who worked in the kitchens, slipped a big ladleful of butter chicken onto the plate on his tray. He'd worked up one hell of an appetite in the gym today and couldn't wait to dig in. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Shulk. 

“Marth! I need your help! It's Sonic! He's in one of the bathrooms!” Shulk sounded out of breath. 

Marth sighed and handed his tray to RedQueen. “Could you please keep this warm for me until I come back?” 

RedQueen nodded, her orangey fringe bouncing. 

Once Russel had collected his fair share of butter chicken, naan and apple juice, he spied a place to sit: next to some kids. At the other end of the table, there was a man with ghost-white skin and a skin-tight outfit. He was reading a newspaper and Russel noticed that he only had a big glass of juice and a minuscule amount of curry and naan on his tray. 

As Russel sat down, the low-quality metal seat bowed precariously under his weight. He ignored the giggling from the kids and began to eat. 

The food was good. The curry was just the right amount of spicy, the naan was soft yet durable enough to scoop with, the apple juice was homemade, but without pulp, and just sweet enough. 

He ate until one of the kids, a little blonde boy with a green hat that was almost too big for him, asked him a question. 

“Do you wanna hear a joke?” 

The boy had a suspiciously happy grin on his face. Russel didn't quite trust it but he still replied anyway. 

“Sure.” 

“Okay,” the boy said, his grin growing wider. “What begins with F and ends with UCK?” 

Russel choked on his juice. “What did you say?!” Another kid, one with black hair and a red cap, cried out “Toonie!” and the pale man snickered without looking up from his newspaper. 

The blonde kid kept giggling. “C’mon. Answer the question.” 

Russel only managed to sputter out “Wh-what the jus’ what?!” 

“FIRETRUCK!” The kid shouted. “What did you think it was?” 

Russel stared, dumbfounded. 

Ace had become so engrossed in looking around this place that he missed the cafeteria entirely and was now meandering aimlessly about the mansion. He'd actually taken off his prized sunglasses for more than ten seconds at a time, just so he could get a better look at everything. 

This mansion was home to more than fifty people, at least, and everything was so out of place, yet it somehow all worked together. That stain on the wall by the shelf. The almost threadbare carpet and the few actual pieces of art hanging on the walls. This place had been thoroughly loved and lived in. It faintly reminded him of his old home, a shack in the Townsville dump. It was ramshackle and mix-and-match. He still remembered the excitement from when he and Big Billy unearthed a proper table to play cards at; a table that didn't wobble violently every time Lil’ Arturo tiptoed past. 

Though, he wasn't sure if the people in this mansion had ever dug out a piece of furniture from beneath a pile of rubbish and stuck it on display in the hallway. 

Ace passed the door to a men's bathroom when he noticed odd sounds coming from it. Curious, he swung open the door and stuck his head in. 

That Sonic the Hedgehog guy was in - yes, IN, - the cubicle door, which was spinning around rapidly, with a blonde dude in red hanging on to the edge and also getting spun around. The hedgehog was flailing his arms and screaming like a total dumbass. 

There was a short girl with huge puffy black pigtails, stepping around like she was trying to help but unsure of what to do. Then there was the blue-haired prince guy, who had one foot in the toilet. It looked as if it was trying to eat his foot and he was attempting to pull it out while simultaneously hitting the commode with his sword. 

The sink taps were on full blast, but the water was gravitating up towards the ceiling, where it pooled and dripped down like rain. Rolls of toilet paper and disposable paper towels were fluttering around like birds, becoming more and more sodden by the indoor rainfall. Bright, colourful neon lights were flashing at random intervals and “Stayin’ Alive” was playing in the background. 

Ace shut the door and continued on his way. 

Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, 2D found a place to sit: at the villains table. Ganon, Wario, the Koopalings, Dark Pit, King Dedede and a still-damp-eyed Bowser looked up at him as he slid his freakishly long legs under the table. 

Ganon chuckled. “We-hell, what do we have here?” 

“It's the singer from Gorillaz,” Dedede rasped. 

“Isn't that the band Samus was talking about this morning?” Dark Pit asked. 

“Yep.” 

2D smiled. “Yuh, tha’s me! I'm 2D!” 

“You're two-dimensional?” Iggy joked. 

“That's not how we talk to celebrities, Iggy!” Wendy hissed. 

“What would you know about talking to celebs?” 

“More than you, apparently!” 

2D put his hands up, “‘Ey, it's okay, you don’ need ta fight!” 

Ganon placed an enormous hand on his shoulder. “Just forget it. Once they get going, nothing can stop them.” 

Indeed, Wendy and Iggy began to raise their voices as they rattled off who would be more worthy of a celebrity’s attention. King Dedede inhaled his food and quickly scampered off from the table. Wario put headphones on. Dark Pit buried his face in his hands, wondering what he did to deserve getting put at the villains table. 

At another table, Noodle and Samus were talking to each other so quickly that Stormy couldn't get a word in edgewise, so she shoved the last mouthful of naan in her mouth and stood up. 

Walking past the villains table, she noticed the singer looking extremely uncomfortable as he listened to the Koopalings arguing over some random pointless bullshit. She clicked her fingers at him and pointed to the floor by her feet. The blue-haired man got the message and unfolded his legs from beneath the table and joined her. 

“Alright,” Stormy said after they walked out into the hallway, “I'm Stormy, and we're gonna wreak some havoc tonight, gotcha?” 

“Uhh…awlright, then,” 2D seemed unsure of how to respond. “At leas’ yuh go’ me outta there. Oh uh, I'm 2D, by th’ way.” 

“Nice.” Stormy stopped and turned around. “Hey, how heavy are you?” 

Back in the cafeteria, Russel finally noticed that the singer was missing. He sighed and stood up, the table and seat making a racket as they scraped against the floor. 

“Aw, where are you gonna go now? Don't you wanna hang out with us?” Toonie whined. 

Russel decided it was safer to not respond, so he made his way over to Noodle and Samus. 

“Have either of yous seen Dee?” He asked. 

Noodle perked up. “No, is he not here?” She craned her neck around to look around the cafeteria. 

“He probably went to go look for the bathroom and got lost,” Samus said. 

“Wouldn't be the first time,” Russel said before heading for the door. “Imma go look for him.” 

“And speaking of missing band mates,” Noodle continued, “where's Ace?” 

Ace was up the other end of the mansion, standing on a spiral staircase, admiring the framed photos lining the walls. Some of them were of weird star-like creatures and others depicted planets and comets and the like. Some of them looked very bizarre, he swore one planet appeared to be made out of candy. Another was a shimmering orb of water covered by a spiky black shell. 

He could also hear a piano being played, the tune soft and mysterious. It sounded as if it were coming from somewhere above him, up the spiral staircase. 

Deciding to investigate, he continued climbing the stairs until he reached the top and found himself in what looked like an observatory. 

The walls were painted different shades of purple and blue, there were benches running along the circular walls that were cluttered with books and papers and photographs, there was a table set for tea, a telescope in the corner and a piano. 

The woman sitting at the piano was very tall, with a dress a beautiful shade of turquoise and platinum blonde hair with one long bang covering her right eye. Surrounding her were the star creatures he had seen in the photos. Some were twirling around in the air and some were watching her long fingers move deftly over the keys. 

She looked so content too, like…

“Mama, there's a strange man watching you!” 

The woman turned to face in his direction. Ace felt like an animal frozen in headlight. 

“Yes, Cosma, that's quite enough, now,” she said. She got up and almost floated over to him. “Hello there. What are you doing up here?” 

Ace fumbled with his sunglasses. “Er, I was jus’ lookin’ around.” 

“Well, there's no harm in that, I suppose. My name is Rosalina.” 

“I'm Ace.” 

Rosalina smiled. “Well, Ace, would you like to join me for tea?” 

“I don’ fink fis is such a goo’ idea, Stormy,” 2D said nervously. 

“Nah, trust me, it'll be fine. I used to do this with my cousin.” Stormy patted the side of the refrigerator. It wobbled precariously. 

2D nodded, but still looked uncertain as Stormy shut the door. 

“Comfy in there?” She called. She only got a groan in response. She shrugged and looked over the edge of the roof to make sure the fridge was lined up properly. The target: one of the few trampolines in the garden that weren't mangled. In fact, the one trampoline that practically had army-grade rubber. She wasn't sure if it could actually hold the weight of a forty-year-old man inside a fridge, but it was worth a shot. 

The tramp looked so tiny from so high up. She hoped she’d lined it up correctly or this would get messy fast. 

She held out her hand and concentrated on using the Force. The fridge shook and tipped over the edge. 

A loud scream emitted from the fridge as it plummeted through the air. Stormy watched and cheered loudly as the fridge hit the tramp and was then launched into the air. Right onto the rose bushes. 

Just as a very disorientated 2D emerged from the dented fridge, another scream was heard, before Peach came marching out. 

“MY FLOWERS!!!” 

It was so loud that even Stormy went to cover her ears. 

“...And this is me hitting a zombie…” Noodle said, as she flashed the photo to Samus. She had made a quick trip back to the tour bus before dessert to grab a photo album, and was now proudly showing off each and every single image. 

“And this,” she said, turning the page, “is why I never let Murdoc cut my hair ever again.” 

Samus clapped her hands over her mouth. “Holy shit, it looked worse in real life than it did in the music videos!” 

“I know right? I was so glad when it finally grew out.” Noodle pointed to the next few pictures. “And that's me on my eighth birthday...and that's me with my brother and sister.” There was a note of hesitation in her voice as she spoke the last few words. 

Samus stared at the photo. It was of Noodle and a man and woman, both Japanese. Their arms were around each other, one of the man's arms appeared to be holding the camera up, as if it were on a selfie stick. 

“Wait...you have siblings?” She asked. 

A slight wave of discomfort appeared in Noodle’s face. “Yeah, turns out I wasn't the only survivor of that super soldier project. To be honest, I hadn't really planned on how to tell the fans.” 

“Really?” 

Mmn. I'm not sure if I really want everyone to know. This is really personal to me, you know. They're my family.” 

Samus nodded, not quite sure if she actually understood. 

“I can trust you not to tell the media, can I?” 

“Of course you can! Why would I?” 

Noodle seemed happy with that, and her voice grew more cheery. “But man, was I glad to see them!” Then she pointed to another photo, “And that's me when I was nine, spray painting Toochi’s legs when he was asleep…” 

“I fell ou’a tree when I was eleven. Landed on mah head, fen all mah hair fell out, fen grew back blue,” 2D said. Stormy had intervened before Peach could clock the singer with her frying pan, and now the two of them were walking down the hallway. 2D had just finished explaining how he got black eyes, which Stormy found hilariously sad. 

“Hol’ on, I need to have a pee,” 2D pushed open the door of the first bathroom they came to. Light and 70’s disco could be seen and heard clearly when the door opened, then disappeared when it swung shut again and 2D went in. A moment later, he re-emerged from the bathroom with his head covered in dripping wet toilet paper. 

“Er, looks a li’l busy in there,” he said. 

“...then pretty soon everyone started pinnin’ every little petty crime on us, and it was annoyin’.” Ace said. He and Rosalina were sitting at the small table in the observatory, sharing lavender tea and some sort of strawberry meringue cake. He was surprised to find himself spilling his entire life story to this woman, but she was so gentle, so understanding, despite telling her about all of his shitty misdeeds. 

“I mean, we done stuff like that before, but that doesn't mean that we do all of it every day, ya know?” 

Rosalina nodded. “You mentioned earlier that you realised that you and your gang needed to get out of that situation, when did you realise that?” 

“Oh, right, I forgot I was originally talkin’ about that. But there were two things that happened that made me open my eyes. The first thing was a murder.” 

“Really?!” 

“Yup. Some poor chap got lured into the dump and then got his throat cut. It was the first murder in Townsville since the Powerpuff Girls were born. And since it happened in the dump, guess who got blamed?” 

Rosalina shook her head. “That's awful!” 

“Yeah. Anyway there was this truancy officer, Jack, who was constantly breathin’ down our necks, but for once I'm glad he did that, ‘cause he got wind of the situation immediately and hired a lawyer for us, who basically told the courts - and the Girls for that matter - to fuck off and that the ‘evidence’ was all circumstantial at best. And that whole thing got me thinkin’: are we really that bad to the point where people didn't hesitate to accuse us of murder? And yeah, I realised we kinda were.” Ace said solemnly. 

“Oh dear. What was the second incident you mentioned?” Rosalina took a sip of her tea. 

“Well, some time after we got cleared of murder, I found a tin full of cash under Lil’ Arturo's mattress. And when I asked him about it, he just started cryin’ and tellin’ me about how he was sick of livin’ in the dump and the money was some sort of nest egg, and how he missed his dad and stuff. Ever had a teenage midget cry on you? Very humbling moment.” Ace reached for his cake. “And then I realised, if Lil’ Arturo was aware of how bad the situation was, then I should be as well. And then yeah, I started tryin’ to clean up my act, get a job, stuff like that. It was hard, though. Nobody trusted me for a long time.” Ace swallowed a mouthful of cake, then continued. 

“But the Powerpuff Girls, I guess they took pity on us, ‘cause they came through for us. Bubbles in particular. She's got such a great heart, she convinced some shop owner to gimme a job, and a chance. I owe her, and the other two. And to think I did such rotten things to them.” 

“Oooh, you're a villain! We don't like villains here!” Cosma shouted from the by the telescope. 

“Cosma! That is very rude of you! We don't talk to anyone like that!” Rosalina scolded sharply. “Now, apologise!” 

Stormy stuck her head in through the double swinging door leading to the Meal Kitchen. There were multiple kitchens all over the Smash Mansion, but the Meal Kitchen, as the name suggested, was where all the meals were prepared before being brought up to the cafeteria kitchens for last minute preparations before being served. 

Tonight on the dessert menu: chocolate self-saucing pudding. 

And, on the bench closest to the door, was the pudding that was specially prepared for Master Hand. Master Hand was a pretty decent guy for the most part, except for one fatal flaw: he liked to take advantage of the fact that he commanded the Miis, and he often requested that meals with special modifications be made specifically for him, and only him, while everyone else got stuck with the boring standard stuff. For tonight's dessert, he'd apparently had a craving for an entire batch of pudding, topped with whipped cream, strawberries and chocolate shavings. Everyone else would be left with plain old vanilla ice cream. Well tonight, the tables would turn. 

“Alright, 2D,” she said, “you go in there and distract them, while I'll grab the pudding. I'll meet you outside by the fountain in the middle of the rose maze. You know where that is, right?” 

“Yeah, but…” 

“Go!” Stormy said before she shoved 2D through the swinging doors. 

2D froze, feeling like an awkwardly placed statue as the Miis all turned in his direction. 

Think, Stuart, think…

As he thought of something, he smelled something meaty amidst all the chocolate. It seemed to be coming from an unnaturally huge pot on the stove. 

He walked over and looked in. He was shocked to see beef bones and vegetables floating in simmering liquid. 

He turned to the nearest Mii. “Are yuh tryin’ to make soup?” 

“No, that's…” The Mii began to explain how it was beef stock, but 2D cut him off, having a sudden brainwave. 

“Tha’ ain't how yuh make soup. An’ I know, ‘cause mah mum taugh’ me how to do some stuff.” He carried the pot over to the sink and tipped out the contents, despite the protests from the Miis. 

“Now look, fere’s barely any meat on fem bones. An’ I don’ know of any soup wif celery innit.” He picked up a piece of the stalky vegetable and waved it around accusingly in the Mii’s face. He heard the familiar sound of the doors squealing and decided his work here was done. 

“Now yuh bes’ get started on some proper soup, y’here!” And with that, he dropped the celery back into the sink and sauntered out with his nose in the air. 

Five minutes passed until Russel entered. Before he could say anything, a Mii said, “he came in here, tipped out all the stock, told us to redo the “soup”, then left.” 

Russel sighed and backed out of the meal kitchen. 

By the time the Miis realised Master Hand’s custom pudding was missing, Stormy and 2D were already sitting at the fountain in the rose maze, scooping enourmous mouthfuls of pudding, cream and strawberries and laughing maniacally as the first few stars began to appear in the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I got way too caught up when writing Ace and now I have a new idea for a story. Yay?


	8. The Marlarkey of the Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, time to bid Gorillaz adieu and focus on what really matters: the wacky random bullshit this story has become lol. But man is it fun to write.

Chapter 20: The Malarkey of the Morning

“Are you seriously still up, Lyn?” Saki asked, descending the staircase in a fluffy blue dressing gown and rubbing his eyes. “It's one AM.” 

“Mmn. Not feeling tired tonight.” Lyn replied, not even turning to face her friend, as she was too captivated by her book, the book she'd gotten herself for Christmas, the book she'd already read and reread. 

Saki glanced at the title. The History of Kereshbough and Other Miscellaneous Islands. “Man, that topic really interests you, doesn't it?” He said, with a hint of an eye roll. 

“It does.” 

There was a brief moment of silence before Saki spoke again. “Did you know Gorillaz are here?” 

Lyn gave him a curious side glance. “The band?” 

“Yeah. Apparently their tour bus broke down so they're staying the night and calling for repairs in the morning.” Saki sat down on the sofa next to Lyn. “Toonie told me all of this when I caught him sneaking into Ashley’s room. He shouldn't have bothered. She wasn't there anyway.” 

“She never came down to dinner, did she?” Lyn closed the book, marking her page with her thumb. 

“You're right. Where'd she go?” 

After a tow truck was called, the goodbyes that morning were quick, as Russel was desperate to get going. 

2D had woken up, still by the fountain in the rose maze, Russel standing over him, and Stormy was long gone. He groaned and went to wipe drool off his face before realising he still had the incriminating chocolate pudding smeared all over his face. 

“Dee! Where've you been? We're gettin’ ready to go now. Now come and help me find Ace.” 

“So you just left your dad and brother behind?” Ace asked, downing his sixth cup of tea. 

“I did,” Rosalina nodded, “but in doing so, I found a new family.” She patted Orion, who had fallen asleep on her lap. 

“Where do ya all live?” 

“In an observatory that the Lumas and I built. I must show you some time, I am quite proud of it. Though recently, I'm residing at the Mushroom Kingdom with Peach and Daisy.” 

“Why?” 

Rosalina shrugged. “While I do like touring the galaxies, I think it's time we settled down. Galaxy-hopping has made me feel like a drifter, or someone who just doesn't belong anywhere. 

“But, when one of my Lumas feel as if it is time to transform into a planet or comet or whatever they wish, I will take them back up into space for that purpose. I do not want to deprive them of that just because I don't want to live in space anymore.” 

“Ace!” Noodle’s voice called from below, “we're going!” 

Ten minutes later the band were piling into their tour bus as the tow truck lifted the front end up carefully. As the truck’s engine rumbled into life, Noodle stuck her head out the window and shouted “call me!” Samus called her goodbye. 

Ace, however, simply put his hand into the shape of a phone and held it up to his head. This gesture was aimed at Rosalina, who had also come down to say farewell. She held a scrap of paper in her slightly sweaty hand. 

She had gotten a guy’s number. That was one thing she could cross off of her hypothetical bucket list. 

“Right,” Master Hand said as soon as they came back through the door. “That's enough of that, now everyone can concentrate on their battles.” He snapped. The impromptu goodbye committee groaned and headed off in the direction of the teletransporters. 

Master Hand didn't mean to be snappy, but last night was not a good night for him. First someone had made off with his personal chocolate self-saucing pudding (he strongly suspected that Stormy was responsible), then he had to deal with a situation in one of the men's bathrooms, and then Crazy Hand had managed to sneak some cheese and maple syrup. Why that particular food combination made Crazy so, well, crazy, was beyond him. 

When Shulk didn't show up to breakfast later that morning, Zelda grew concerned. She now wandered down the hallways, calling out Shulk’s name. 

She passed Doc and she asked him if he knew where Shulk was.

“As a matter of fact, I do.” He responded. 

“Where? I've been looking for him for ages.” Zelda said. 

“He's in the med bay.” 

Zelda gasped. “What?! What for?” 

Doc made a sound like a sly laugh. “He and Sonic are both suffering from extreme cases of motion sickness. They've been up all night moaning about how the world keeps spinning.” 

Samus hung her head as she walked into the cafeteria and took a seat next to Stormy, who was eating a bowl of fruit holes. 

Stormy saw how sad she seemed at the band’s departure, and offered up a spoonful of her probably-should-be-illegal cereal. 

Samus, without turning her head, opened her mouth and accepted the little pick-me-up, not thinking twice about how it was probably a bit gross sharing the same spoon. 

When Marth collected a bowl of porridge from RedQueen, he tried to hide himself behind Ganon. He had lost his shoe in his battle with the toilet and couldn't get find his spares, but he didn't want Lucina to notice (or anyone, for that matter) because she's talk his ear off about how irresponsible he was. As if it was his fault his shoe got eaten by a fucking toilet. 

Ganon glanced at him over his shoulder. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“Shhh,” Marth whispered as he looked over at Lucina. Ganon followed his gaze and smiled. 

“Oooh, you like her? You spying on her?” Ganon teased. 

“Shut up! As if!” Marth protested, going red in the face. 

Ganon’s grin grew wider as he cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted “Oi Lucina! Marth just said he doesn't like you!” 

Lucina’s head swivelled round. “WHAT??!” 

“What?!” Marth cried. 

“Yeah, wuh?” Fox joined in from where he sat trying to distract Falco from ogling at Amalia. 

“Oh my god Ganon, you suck!” Marth yelled. His voice was drowned out by Lucina hollering “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MEEEEE??!!!!!???!!?!?!?” 

Over at the Assist House, Chrom opened the front door to see Ness and Toonie standing on the porch. 

“Come for more breakfast, have you?” He asked. 

“Yeah, um, Lucina and Marth are fighting and it's really distracting,” Ness explained. 

Chrom's eyes widened. “Lucina? Oh no…!” He pushed past the two children and sprinted across the field towards the Mansion. 

Ness and Toonie entered the house and went into the kitchen where Lyn and Kat and Ana were preparing toast and cereal. Kat squealed when she saw Ness. 

“Hiii, Ness!” She giggled. Ness giggled in return. 

Toonie rolled his eyes at that and turned to Lyn. “Is Ashley around? I went to see her last night but she wasn't here.” 

“I don't know.” Lyn stopped what she was doing for a moment and looked out the window. “She didn't come back for dinner last night, so…” 

“I'm right here.” A deep-sounding yet childish voice replied. It was Ashley. 

“Yo Ash, wazzup?” Toonie asked, pointing finger-guns at the girl he secretly had a bit of a crush on. 

“And where were you yesterday?” Lyn stood with her hands on her hips. 

Ashley craned her head back to look at the tall young woman. “Sonic got stuck in a door and I was trying to get him out. I would have come back sooner, but things got pretty wild…”


	9. Mr Whoopy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is a special day. On this day, January 10 2019, is the two year anniversary of when I uploaded the first chapter of Beyond the Mansion Gates to FanFiction.net! It's weird to think that this story is over two years old (remember, I first uploaded it to Wattpad). Man, how time flies!

Chapter 21: Mr Whoopy

When the Smash Mansion was first built, it wasn't known as the Smash Mansion (it wouldn't be called that for another fifty-four years). It was called the Macador Mansion. 

It was built by an unbelievably rich gentleman named Lord Macador who apparently really wanted five floors worth of rooms to do only God knows what in. There were just so many rooms that, after his death, the mansion changed hands sixteen times in the span of nineteen years before it came into the possession of Master Hand and Crazy Hand, who then founded the Super Smash Brothers Tournament in order to help repay back the loan they borrowed from the bank in order to buy the place. (They received tons of dough from the merchandising rights and the public pays even more tons of money to watch their favourite fighters duke it out, so it all worked out in the end.) 

Each floor of the Mansion had a specific purpose to it. The ground floor was the main living space. It had the kitchens, cafeteria, common room, games rooms and most of the bathrooms. 

The first floor was the gym and training area. 

The third floor contained the bedrooms. 

The second and fourth floors, which also contained bedrooms, were deemed off limits by Master Hand because they were being used for storage. Which is a pretty flimsy excuse considering the fifth floor. 

The aforementioned fifth floor was split into two parts. The first part was a ballroom which Lord Macador used to hold the most ridiculously lavish and extravagant parties, and the other part was used for storage. It was as musty and dusty as a typical attic and the way everything was shoved together made the place feel more like a museum, where one could rediscover all the random crap that had been collected over the years. 

The roof was also a popular lounging area. People had dragged up sun chairs and even a mini fridge, with an extension cord that ran halfway down the stairs to the nearest electrical outlet. 

The observatory (where Rosalina spent most of her time) was impulse-built by Lord Macador a year before he died. It occupied its own wing at the back of the mansion. 

The mansion sounds big enough already without the three floors below the ground. 

The Underground, as they were referred to, was where the Miis lived. Underground 1 was where paperwork was taken care of, mostly regarding bills, maintenance and copies of important documents. 

Underground 2 was split into several levels. Level 1 had classrooms, where the Miis were trained on what to do and how to respond in an emergency and different situation. Due to the sheer number of Miis, they were separated into groups. All day, every day, there would be a group of Miis in each classroom and every Mii attended at least once a week. 

Level 2 was the gym for the Mii fighters. 

Level 3 was another storage area, except that it held dangerous equipment and machinery and was much better kept than the one on the fifth floor. 

And finally, Undergrounds 2 and 3 housed the Miis living quarters; bedrooms, cafeterias, common rooms and bathrooms. 

The Smash Mansion is big, isn't it? How could anyone be expected to find their way around? 

Well, if one spends long enough in the mansion, they soon learn the ins and outs. All of them. And the choice spots to hide things. Like anti-aircraft guns. 

But the downside is that it's very easy to lose things. Like Mr Whoopy. 

Master Hand was frantic to find him. Ever since the grocery shopping disaster with the Young Ones last week, he realised that Mr Whoopy could really come in handy for keeping the buggers in line. Problem was: he couldn't find him. And it was a brand-new Saturday, meaning it was the day of the Young Ones Programme. He was on a timer. 

He'd swept all the papers off his desk and pulled drawers out. He'd turned over the bookshelves. He'd even pried open some of the floorboards. All to avail. Mr Whoopy was nowhere to be found. 

It was then that he decided to look in the attic on the fifth floor. 

And it was in the hallway where Pit, Stormy and Toonie saw Master Hand rushing past, evidently very frazzled. 

“Where do you think he's off to in such a hurry?” Stormy asked as she blew a bubble with her strawberry-flavoured bubble gum. 

“Dunno. Let's follow him!” Toonie cried, and took off after Master Hand. Put and Stormy looked at each other, shrugged then ran after the blonde boy. 

Master Hand stepped out of the elevator to find himself completely surrounded by darkness and dust. Coughing, he flicked on the light switch and flapped his fingers around to clear the air a little. 

The attic was worse than he remembered. Everything was piled up on top of each other in dangerously high groups with barely and floor space in between. It would take him forever to find Mr Whoopy! 

He inched around carefully, making sure not to knock anything over as he searched the piles gently, moving further away from the elevator, to the point where he was far enough away and so distracted by what he was doing that he didn't hear the elevator ding as the doors opened. 

“Man, this place is crazy!” Toonie said quietly as he took notice of Master Hand and, not wanting to be spotted, crept behind a china-filled glass cabinet resting atop an old box TV. Pit did the same, Stormy too, but not before she knelt in front of the TV and used her finger to draw something in the dust on the screen. 

Suddenly, they heard a crash and what sounded like a gong, as well as Master Hand shouting “God fucking damn it! Where is that piece of shit?!? 

Even Stormy stopped chewing her gum as Master Hand let out a wordless yell of pure rage before he angrily floated to the elevator, got in and went back down to the ground floor. 

The three delinquents emerged from their hiding place. 

“I wonder what he was looking for?” Pit said, scratching his head in confusion. 

“Dunno, but let's look around and see if we can find anything that we can show the others.” Stormy said as she picked up a battered, old-fashioned red telephone. 

Pit found some old porn magazines dated from the mid-to-late sixties. He flicked through them innocently, wondering why there was page after page of half-naked men and women. 

Stormy discovered that it wasn't a gong that had made the strange singing sound, it was a bell. It was big enough that it looked like it belonged in a frickin’ church, not in the attic of a crummy mansion hosting a fighting tournament. 

Next to the bell was a lasso, made from yellowy rope and tied in a thick knot. Excitedly, she picked it up, spun it around then threw it. She felt it tighten as it landed around something, and she pulled it towards her. Whatever it was, it was fairly heavy and made a bunch of tiny dingaling sounds. She'd yanked it enough into the light to discover that it was a fully decorated, albeit long since dead and brown, Christmas tree, complete with tinsel, baubles, bells and a star on top. 

The hell? she thought as the popped a gum bubble between her teeth. 

Toonie, meanwhile, had found a jar of pickled inside of an old microwave. Giggling, he hurled the jar at a shoebox that was resting on the very top of a particularly large pile. Instead of hitting the shoebox, however, he hit another box that causes everything on top of it to come crashing down. 

Toonie covered his eyes as a cloud of dust washed over him. When he looked again, he saw a dusky orange umbrella at his feet. Peering closer, he noticed something poking out from between the folds. He grabbed it and pulled, and something long and sleek came slipping out. When he saw what it was, a slow grin spread across his face. 

“I need to show the others!” He shouted excitedly before running to the elevator. 

That was the context. 

But when Chrom and Lyn went into the field to gather up the Young Ones only to find them taking turns flicking around a long black whip, they didn't have that context. Actually, they were very confused. And concerned for their safety. 

And when Shulk hit Zelda in the face with it, their concerns became perfectly justified, and they raced over. 

Shulk let out a strangled gasp as he ran over and helped Zelda pick herself up off the ground. 

“Omigod omigod omigod I'm so sorry it was an accident, are you alright?” 

Zelda gently touched her cut cheek and winced. Tears of pain formed in her eyes. But still she put on a brave smile. 

“No Shulk, I know it was just an accident. I’m alright.” 

“But your cheek is bleeding…” 

Zelda put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Oh Shulk, I'll be alright.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek. 

Shulk still felt terrible, especially when Chrom arrived, panting and shouting “Shulk, what the fuck are you doing with a whip for god’s sakes, kid?!” 

“I…Toonie brought it and was letting everyone try it out.” Shulk said, still flashing apologetic grimaces at Zelda as Stormy pulled a roll of bandages out from under her skirt, cut off a piece with her lightsaber and gave it to Zelda. 

Chrom took in a deep breath. 

“AND WHERE DID YOU GET A WHIP FROM?!!??!” He bellowed, pointing at the small boy. He was getting real sick of Toonie’s shit. 

“I found it.” Toonie said, completely unfazed by the outburst. 

“WHERE? WHERE EXACTLY?!!” 

“Inside an umbrella.” 

“An umbrella?” Lyn asked as she attended to Zelda. 

“Yeah!” 

“An umbrella.” Chrom states in disbelief. 

“That's what I said.” 

“Well, where was the umbrella?” 

“In the mansion.” 

Chrom's nostrils flared. “Toonie, I'm warning you, no funny business. Where was the umbrella?” 

“In the mansion, like I told you.” 

“Where in the mansion?” 

“In a room, duh.” 

“Which room? Where abouts was it?” 

“A room with stuff in it.” 

Chrom grasped his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on. “Where abouts in the room?” 

“On the floor.” Toonie rolled his eyes as if that was the most stupidest question he'd ever been asked. 

“Why does she…?” Link muttered. 

Chrom turned. “What?” 

Link looked up and held up his phone. “Oh sorry, I just got a text from Daisy asking for my girlfriend’s number, and I was just wondering why.” 

Chrom nodded. 

Lyn stepped up and clapped her hands. “Okay people, enough fooling around. Everyone, get to the minivan, Toonie, give me the whip. We're going to a farmers market to help out with setting up.” 

“Laaaame.” Stormy droned. 

“Are we at least allowed to go shopping after,” Zelda asked. Even she, a princess, a helping hand to her people, thought this sounded extremely boring. 

“If you do what you're asked without trouble, we will give you each some money to spend. Sound fair?” 

“...Yes…” Everyone sighed. 

The group then began making their way towards the minivan. On the way there, Ness laid a hand on Toonie’s shoulder. 

“Please don't ruin this for us, Toonie.” He said desperately. 

“I won't…” Toonie said absentmindedly, staring hungrily at the whip in Lyn’s firm grasp. 

Master Hand also caught sight of the whip as Lyn loaded it into the boot with Stormy, who gave an army salute after Lyn had obviously told her not to play around with it. His heart became heavy with dread as he raced towards the minivan as it kicked into life and began to move. 

“Oh no...Mr Whoopy!!!” He cried. 

He was too late. The minivan reached the front gates and pulled out into the road, heading into the city.


End file.
